Click HERE to Read Oyindamola's Biography on the Nigerian Writers Database.
I have always been concerned that when we sell the idea of child-birth to children, young girls, and women, we don’t sell it from the point of view of a torn vagIna or asshole – so the experience wouldn’t be too daunting if we eventually decide to participate in it.
Thanks to the likes of our president – Chrissy Teigen, whose honesty is the world’s priority, the wind has blown, and we now know all the secrets about our vagasshole the world kept from us.
I will come back to address those who decide that child-birth (from the vagIna) makes a female more woman, wife, or mother, and any other option makes them less worthy of respect. Temporarily, please answer this – Does a torn vagIna or asshole make a female more of a woman, wife, or mother too?
If my common sense is not evident to all, I would like to say, Yes! I know not all women have the torn vagasshole experience during child-birth.
And those who decide to ask – What if your husband wants a child? after a woman clearly states that she doesn’t want to have a child or only wants to have a child but through other means than her body…
First of all, isn’t it funny that the world accuses women of being confused beings? Still, when we decide exactly what we want, our opinions and decisions of ourselves are overlooked, and answers are sought from men’s mouth? Let me rephrase it – Dear woman, do you know what you want in this life, wow! Cool! So what does your husband want?
Second, since when did co-parenting, my vagIna become my hypothetical husband's job? I am a firm believer that after a vagIna has passed the parental guidance stage, we need to let it belong to its owner. We also need to stop telling girls to keep their virginity “for the right man” or “for a good marriage” – I digress, as though a man piercing a hymen makes him right or ensures the success of a marriage.
Third, this is now what I’d call a date-ship question and pre-marital question, which means it is common sense to not commit to a partner who doesn’t want for you what you want for yourself.
Fourth, for the love of God, the “I” in vagIna is not for decoration. It means ownership. It means “I,” as a woman, can and should decide whether I want my vagIna to poop out a baby or not.
Last but not the least, I have always had this secret wish that the asshole becomes a conducive place for conceiving and child-rearing. Besides that passage explaining the birth origin of people who overlook a woman’s opinion or self-ownership to ask – What if your hypothetical-husband wants a child? I believe if this wish is granted, it will enable men/husbands who simply want to have kids, to have them. It will also equip their wife (hypothetically) to decide if they want their husband’s asshole to tear in the process.
At this point, I am glad you haven’t left me, or cursed me out or done both yet if you are a badass like that. I won’t torment you any longer. However, may I also point out how, when a female is sexually assaulted or raped, we ask her why she didn’t manage, protect, or police her own vagIna well to prevent such? But, when a woman decides to control, protect, or guard her vagIna, deciding who and how it should have sex or what it would or wouldn’t do like child-birth, we say that it is not a woman’s job to decide that. Isn’t the world the delusional one here?
I know I am overthinking this vagina-child birth thing and I refuse to term it “natural child-birth” because besides it being a supernatural experience, I acknowledge all forms of birthing a human being into this world with respect – whether C-section or surrogacy.
I know some of you will think, our great grandmothers, grandmothers, and mothers did it, why don’t you want to? I also know some of you will pull out Genesis 1:28, saying that child-birth is a commandment, and women who are unwillingly to have children will perish in hell. Besides the fact that not all women can give birth, some as a result of medical issues, how can I politely say – See you in hell since you have chosen to be hell’s gatekeeper?
I would like to end with this by admonishing you – when a woman says that she doesn’t want to have a child, whether by her own vagIna or not, and for any cause or fears, I believe that we need not poke her further. I think that she, in her own choices, needs to be acknowledged, celebrated, and left alone if she desires so.
This post is not only about vagIna, it is for everything a woman has to reclaim for herself. It is also for my beliefs, my education, my career, and even my hair. I remember when I first cut my hair because I wanted to and someone after taking a long look at my head said – What if your husband doesn’t want it short? You can do what you want now that you are young but when you get married…
In that moment and many others, the joy and accomplishment of what I had done for myself, was taken away. In that moment, I also wanted to say that Have you considered that if my hypothetical-husband only loves long hair, he can grow one on his head? But that’s a discussion for another day.