WHEN SLEEP TRAVELS FAR AWAY

1/6/2021

By Gimbiya Galadima

it’s 3:47 am, several minutes past bedtime
your eyes remain open after several attempts to keep them closed
closed lids of pots - of freshly boiled long grains white rice
you may have counted a thousand times
the many ugly ceilings boards that are supposed to beautify your house
yet sleep scorns you: it avoids you the way a young girl avoids a poor man
she packs her bags at night, wordlessly and moves into the house of your neighbour
your wall is so thin you can hear the snoring of his family so loudly
jealousy burns in you: you feel tempted to put on your Bluetooth speaker
to generously share your playlist when everyone else is at sleep
your mother raised you better: so, you just stare and wish
that your mind was not so burdened about your account balance
which reads negative and your rent, due next week.

9 Comments

Damilola

12/6/2021 12:52:42 pm

This is a very relatable write-up. I personally, have been through this situation. It impresses me to see that you are able to put it down so well and explicitly in written words.

But I wonder why you don't start a sentence with a capital letter(that I have also noticed in some of your other write-ups).
You rarely use fullstops too( even though the piece is long). Only one is noticed, which is at the end of the write-up. Although their are other punctuations, absense of fullstops makes it difficult to apply the needed pace in full, while reading.

Emmanuel Success

12/6/2021 01:05:19 pm

This is beautiful written, everyone goes through this ordeal once in a while. It's a rare gift to be able to express them in writing but especially being this apt.

Sunday Akinrelere

12/6/2021 04:53:06 pm

Many of us have had such experience in time past. When sleep travels far away. But many are ignorant of its cause. Oftentimes, we are the ones sending sleep away without knowing it. Stimulants or narcotics usually send away sleep. At some other time, we send it away by the long exposure of our eyes to the light from the screen of our Android phones or laptops.

We shouldn't be the architect of our problems.

Nguhiden link

13/6/2021 08:06:04 pm

Ah, when sleep eludes you! This describes that feeling nicely; a few punctuation changes and word choice alterations (e.g. the walls were so thin she could hear his family snoring - 'loudly' at the end is just tautology) will definitely improve the effect of this poem on the reader. Great job!

Temilade Fafure

14/6/2021 05:37:36 pm

I see it as though the sleeplessness was caused by poverty.

Worries from the ugly ceiling boards and the negative account balance. But, I don't understand the second section that reads "closed lids of pots - of freshly boiled long grains of white rice"

Iyabode Agbesusi Obafemi

15/6/2021 04:17:19 pm

The writer describes the thoughts that can ravage the minds of someone who is restless at night.. Such individual cannot sleep because the heart is burdened with needs to be met with no means to actualize it.. Thanks.

Similoluwa

16/6/2021 01:24:46 pm

Wowww
This is a well written write up that everyone can relate with. I could personally relate with that part of being jealous of others sleeping.

It talks about a person deprived of sleep and the journey the mind takes during those times and how the person wishes for it badly at that moment.

Fawziyyat

17/6/2021 08:55:40 pm

Sleep is both my enemy and lover. In the least, it gives me a break and at worst, my dreams terrify me. Oh the joys of my terrible nightmares, when I wake up at least I have something to think about rather than the endless amount of deadlines I have to meet and my beautifully carved face.

Chioma

25/6/2021 12:35:11 pm

This beautifully woven poem explores how lack drives us into aloneness, rids us of everything we have, including our sanity and leaving us with nothing but the thoughts of not- having, of our incapabilities.

Written from a perspective of lack, want, neediness, loath, deprivation.

I especially loved how the writer was able to combine basic life lessons into this poem. Made it more clear and relatable in ways that we felt what it means to not-have; to be at loss.

This writer writes beautifully and I loved every word!

WHEN SLEEP TRAVELS FAR AWAY

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Copyright @SprinNG 2023

WHEN SLEEP TRAVELS FAR AWAY

Leave a Reply.

Copyright @SprinNG 2023​

Copyright @SprinNG 2023