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SUICIDE WARNING SIGNS

1/9/2021

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By Ugochukwu Damian Okpara
(Originally Published in NSPP 2019 Anthology)
Picture
self-harm like cutting behaviours:
 
my body is a shame inflicted on me
when i say me; i mean the girl in me
i cut myself open to set her free
i swear! this is far from suicide
i am only a cartographer
with knives, i make maps on my thigh
every wound is a road leading to death
​frequently talking about death:
 
my childhood folklores teach
that death wears a black cloak
i do not know but i do know that death is void
i do not think of death like you think
i am not void; a girl lives in me
& i often find my body on the peak of a mountain
i want to jump off; i hear her calling down
i only want to be her saviour
& i’m also terrible at hallucination
 
making funeral arrangements:
 
i love cotton wools
soft like my mother’s voice
when she calls me nna & i love to play games
to call the duvet a shroud
i do not like funerals like the kids in my hometown
i prefer the smell of formalin to rice
 
negative views of self:
 
i do not like this body
i like the one after this body
the one that flutters my hands
& swings my hips like the tongue of a bell
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  • Publications
    • Submit to Us
    • Nigerian Writers Database
    • Anthologies >
      • ETB Anthology
      • AEAnthology
      • WAD Anthology
      • CBS Anthology
      • 2020 Why I Write
      • 2019 Why I Write
    • Interviews
    • Book Reviews
  • Fellowships
    • Writing Fellowship
    • Advantage Program
    • Advancement Fellowship
  • Contests
    • Monthly Bookstore Gift-card
    • Annual Poetry Contest
    • SWAP >
      • SWAP 2022 Winners
      • SWAP 2021 Winner
      • SWAP 2020 Winner
  • SprinNG Lit
  • Donate
  • About
    • Annual Report
    • Quicklinks
    • Events >
      • 2023 MFA