By Ugochukwu Damian Okpara (Originally Published in NSPP 2019 Anthology) self-harm like cutting behaviours: my body is a shame inflicted on me when i say me; i mean the girl in me i cut myself open to set her free i swear! this is far from suicide i am only a cartographer with knives, i make maps on my thigh every wound is a road leading to death frequently talking about death:
my childhood folklores teach that death wears a black cloak i do not know but i do know that death is void i do not think of death like you think i am not void; a girl lives in me & i often find my body on the peak of a mountain i want to jump off; i hear her calling down i only want to be her saviour & i’m also terrible at hallucination making funeral arrangements: i love cotton wools soft like my mother’s voice when she calls me nna & i love to play games to call the duvet a shroud i do not like funerals like the kids in my hometown i prefer the smell of formalin to rice negative views of self: i do not like this body i like the one after this body the one that flutters my hands & swings my hips like the tongue of a bell
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