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PARTING

1/7/2023

8 Comments

 
By Muhammed Olowonjoyin
Picture
​In a dream of music, my grandfather knows
How much beat is enough to pull the cardiac muscles
From the scorn of being trapped between the walls 
Of this portal. & I am young enough a soul to know 
That I am not alive and he isn’t dead. That we’re just two
Souls transitioning between ash & star shine & dust. 

I hold his hands, and he says that each of the hundred
Darkness on his skin grew from when the universe 
Switched him from living on grace to living on distraught. 
I peep my body as we float out of the belly of a cloud &
It is suffused with glory like a night of werewolves.
I don’t know if we unwear them when we’re born. We sail
Through the purple lake of women who now have the faces
Of their children in their heads as feathers, & through 
The red lake of men reshaped into clinkers for not wanting
To vanish with the language of bullets. We eat fireflies & 
we dance, & we drink lights until our mouths glow neon. 

& like a colony of flowers, we become 
An abode for butterflies until a cleavage, sharp as a tooth, 
Rifts between us. And our hands fade into the stars.
Into a tale of two familiar strangers drowning in a dream of music.
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​Writer's Biography

Muhammed Olowonjoyin, TPC III, studies Biochemistry at the University of Ilorin. He was third runner-up in the Nigerian Students Poetry Prize (2022) and was named Honorable Mention in the Kreative Diadem Poetry Contest (2022).

​His poems have been published/forthcoming in Stanchion, Quarter After Eight, Brittle Paper, The Bitchin' Kitsch, Aôthen Magazine, The Shallow Tales Review, Acropolis Journal, The Decadent Review, and elsewhere. He reads poetry for The Dodge Magazine.

8 Comments
Abdulrasheed Diana link
5/7/2023 02:04:47 am

This poem captures the beauty of our transition to ether and nether places. My favorite line ; "I am not alive and he isn't dead" captures how much we are on a journey which we in birth and death. It is just a journey. The use of soothing metaphors is alluring because the poet uses it to create an euphemistic atmosphere where the reader can see life and death from a more broad perspective. Beautiful piece

Reply
Alobu Emmanuel
7/7/2023 09:46:22 am

“...I am not alive and he isn’t dead. ..we’re just two
Souls transitioning between ash & star shine & dust”

Often it is said that the most painful thing in the world isn't a knife cut or heartbreak. The most painful thing is seeing the people we made memories with, become themselves memories.🥺

This poem gives a piece of peace.. one between the thin lines of birth and death. Beautifully crafted.✨

Reply
Akinlotan Seun Deborah
15/7/2023 12:47:35 pm

Okay, so I'm gonna keep telling how great every poem and story has been. SprinNG keeps springing wonderful talents to the world, o if only millions could also experience this.

The writer talks about how his grandfather had departed and now they'd parted, the writer walks down memory lane and also brings us along, telling about living and finally fading leaving memories behind that are unfading.

Great job! Keep writing and keep winning. Your poem was really fantastic and I know you're gonna do flourish.

Reply
Solomon T. Hamza link
23/7/2023 07:03:50 am

Just as the name employs, parting is a poem written to portray what becomes of two closely knitted hearts when one leaves on a journey of no return and leaves the other behind.
The poem is a dirge where the writer recounts the beautiful memories he had with his grandfather. The poem is also a reflection of our timely stay here on Earth. To the writer, his grandfather is alive, despite the grandfather is in another realm which he (the writer) cannot gain access to and that makes them "two familiar strangers" as portrayed by the writer.
I enjoyed the flow of the poem & the use of metaphors and the imageries induced by the writer, but I believe the poem would be more comprehensive in stanzas and this fails to induce the right emotions into the poem.
In conclusion, the poem in it's flowery lines and poetic devices was done very aptly.

Reply
Adewusi omotolani link
29/7/2023 06:44:31 pm

Took a while to piece together but I finally understood, the pain of losing someone, the pain of not being in the same plane I lost my grandfather too so I know the pain so well.

Reply
Olayinka Yaqub link
30/7/2023 01:24:21 am

PARTING, like any good poem, does not outrightly state its purpose. Like any good art, it shows. It unravels.

In summary, Muhammed takes us through a brief yet vividly painted journey of what it means to lose someone dear to you—but not in a way that feels you've "lost" them, but in a way that you feel their absence is only a departure. That you're still together in realms and spaces defined beyond the hunan body and interaction. Such that your connection feels so otherworldly, something that transcends this world.

My interpretation of this poem is that genuine human connections, relationships as intimate as that of the writer and his grandfather, is a thing that transcends this time and space. It's one full of wonders and amazement, as depicted in the second paragraph of the poem, and parting with a person with whom one has such deep connection to is not the end. These relationships would continue to play out in the dreamy ephemeral spaces of our heart, where we hold this person dearly.
.
This poem is particularly ephemeral-esque and dreamy, with its plenty imageries, and if I were to suggest an area of improvement, it would have been for the poet to have included some real life imageries so that the poem can feel more grounded.

Overall, I enjoyed it nonetheless. Muhammed's talent shines through this one.

Reply
Ayomide Deborah
30/7/2023 04:38:01 pm

The use of metaphors in this poem is artistic and adds to the beauty of the poem. This poem circles around the themes of life, death, dreams, and music. I love how the power of music was used in this poem, especially in Line 2 - How much beat is enough to pull the cardiac muscles.The relationship between the physical and metaphysical realms is aesthetically portrayed in the sentence - "Souls transitioning between ash and star shine and dust"

The poem also provides an insight into the grandfather's life and experience; for example, his knowledge of music symbolizes his wisdom, and lines 8 and 9 focus on the suffering and trials he had throughout his life, where he switched from "living on grace to living on distraught". 

The poem acts as a reminder that our time is short and our life here on Earth is short. In the line - That I am not alive and he isn't dead, it signifies the link between the living and the dead and that one isn't too far from the other. The poet continues to question life as we know it. Whether we changed from our original state when we were born. This is a question many wonder about in their lives. 

The imagery in this poem is iconic, especially in the third stanza, where it focuses on death and violence and how mothers carry their dead children in their arms, the men that are sent into bondage, and others that are killed.

Overall, this is a magnificent piece of work. Although it will benefit from a more earthly perspective and more stanzas to give the right emotion to each part, Either way, it is a masterpiece. It makes one wonder about the truth about  their lives and their deaths and wonder what the beauty of dreams and the power of musical beats are to one's being.

Reply
Epere Paschal link
31/7/2023 04:52:12 am

This is a reflection of the total journey around the fate of the Phoenix; such that it tells of all the struggles that lie beneath the wells of repetition, one forced upon us. This age long wisdom passed down from one soul to another, creating a balance and putting human connection in a place.
No one should assume lord over the life of another if he shares no connection with their soul!

Reply



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